I’ve read and heard a lot of stories about men and women who have loved and lost. It’s an old story. We seem to be programmed to want to pair-off with one another. Some of us find a wife. This is a difficult process that we usually learn on our own. We go through trail and error. We listen to the experiences of others. We usually only hear or read about the relationships that have not worked. We read or hear about the bad things we do to each other before, during and after this process of building a “relationship”. Some of us get advice from family, friends, books or teachers or religious authorities on what is this all about.
I remember back in the late 50’s and early 60’s there was a great intellectual experiment or idea called “free love”. The idea was that a group or tribe of like-minded people would live together and share everything. In the USA there were groups of men and women who left their everyday lives and joined a “commune”. They were located in California, Arizona, New Mexico and Pennsylvania. They left the city for an ideal and pristine environment to work, live and love together. The idea was to build a totally self-contained society. They would build a big house and all live in the house. They would each spend the day doing something for the tribe. It was not going to take much time. They would enjoy “mother nature”. They would be free of the laws of the city that prevented them from using marijuana, magic mushrooms, LSD, beer, hard lacquer, wine and any other drug that the individual brought to the commune from the city. They would talk, laugh, sing and dance and be happy together forever.
They agreed that any two people could make love or have sex without any assumed obligations. Sex and love were “free”. That meant that a man and women or a woman and another women or a man and another man or even a group of mixed couples could engage in sex, just for fun. They were free of clothes and the mores and morals and laws of the city. It was to be a heaven on earth. It was a time of “drugs, sex and rock and roll”. They were called “hippies” and other things.
One of the interesting things that happened was that everybody started out living in the main house but soon two people decided to move out of the big house and build a small house of their own. Then, two by two other couples moved, either out of the big house or back to the city. Eventually all the communes in the country vanished.
It seems Mother Nature intended us to pair off for the good of the species. So, what does all this have to do with Pattaya? Well, you and I are doing the same thing. We are looking for love and affection. However, when we find it, we sometimes do not want to be obligated to the expense or commitment that it takes to make a long lasting relationship. Their entire family is poor. You will have to draw the line somewhere. The maintenance of a significant other is expensive.
If two people of any kind can commit to common goals and work towards building a future for themselves and their families, we should wish them all the luck in the world. It is going to be hard. It takes money to feed, house and clothe them. There are language barriers to overcome. You have to agree on who is going to be the dominant one. This does not mean that you have the right to totally dominate your spouse. It only means that when the two of you are not sure on a direction to take or have a difficult choice to make, that the responsibly will fall on the shoulders of the dominate one. The dominant one will also suffer the responsibility of making the wrong decisions.
Yes, you are the big time spender. You have inherited the good fortune by being born in another country. You have the money. The exchange rate is very generous. You have an obligation to be generous, compassionate and considerate. You can’t take it with you. This is your calling to take care of the people who want to care for you.
Protect your self from theft and deceit. It’s a big old nasty world out there. Some people see you as a “sucker”. Be educated about things before you commit your hard-earned money. Maybe, give only things. Don’t give large amounts of money. Ask for an accounting for every Baht. Find out why Papa is in debt. Get a lawyer, a banker, an accountant, a broker, an insurance agent and a trusted advisor. Ask for receipts. Make follow-up visits. Buy clothes, gold, an English language course, health care or a roof for Mama and Papa’s house or an education for a family member. Buy them a skill.
Don’t buy alcohol, even for a party. Don’t buy illegal drugs. Don’t condone gambling or pay off gambling debts for them. Don’t buy cigarettes. All of this could be hard for you to do, especially if you drink and smoke cigarettes. You need to do the “Right” thing for the good of the family. Be kind but be firm. Smile a lot. Don’t talk too much. Be very careful to show respect to everyone, including the elderly and the very young. Use eye contact when you do speak. Stay out of sight.
Love is when you care more for someone else more then you do for yourself. You have committed your time and money to the good of the family.
Life is shorter then you think. Build a family and a circle of friends that will take care of you when it comes your time of need. Yes, that time will come. Live long and prosper.
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